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Dating strategies that don’t necessarily require a computer

By Alexis Rae Baker

Dear Lexis,

Help me, please. I’m 58, no kids, separate income, not a slob, not perfect but fair all around. Don’t like dating sites. Do you want to coach me (haha) right? Hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you,

~ Alone in Shelton

Dear Lonely,

I can’t say I blame you for not liking dating sites. Fortunately there are many ways to meet people from chatting with people at the grocery store to hanging out at bars every night. Regardless of the approach, the most important factor is you.

My father recently remarried. After her divorce, it took a while for her to feel ready, but when the time came she approached the dating game like a math equation. And even if it doesn’t sound very romantic, this kind of approach makes a lot of sense.

Whatever method of procedure you choose, agree about it. If you want to go to bars, give yourself a quota of days to go and girls to talk to. In some ways, it’s even better to assume you’ll get a “no” so it doesn’t hurt so much when you do. And you will – that’s part of the process.

That’s the hard thing about finding a relationship: you have to put yourself out there again and again. It can be exhausting, stressful, and fun all at the same time. Keep taking steps towards your goal and eventually you will achieve it.

I suggest trying dating sites again because they offer a wider opportunity for connection. There are also dating sites aimed at different sectors of people. For example, I met my husband on a dating website called careful, which is directed towards spirituality, philosophy, and environmentalism. My father met his new wife at CatholicMatch. So, while online dating can be a hotbed for hookups, it can also be an avenue for meaningful relationships if you do your research.

If you are really against online dating, I would suggest finding a group activity. Meetup is a great website for finding groups to join, but you can also sign up for college classes, join a sports team, or pick up a paper and see what happens. other opportunities in your area.

As far as starting a conversation, you can experiment, but I always think that a question is the best way to start.

You can start with something subtle like “what has been your favorite part of this event so far?” something along the lines of “what’s the best pickup line you’ve ever heard,?” or something you’re really asking about “where do you think the concept of a moon made of cheese came from?”

Any way you look at it, by approaching someone with a less common question you will experience more interesting conversations. It’s amazing how many things you can learn through an unexpected conversation (I once asked a city worker what the black strips he put on the road were for) and, if you continue you can find love too.

Keep it light, keep it steady, and trust that things will always work in your favor.

good luck,


Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker. He writes from his home in Olympia. Have a question about life, relationships, spirit? Visit him at or write to him at

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